I kinda wish someone had warned me about the day that Buzz
decided to grow a beard. I met him on the way to school and he kept pointing to
his face and sayin’ ‘huh’, ‘yeh’ and then nodding, real stupid like, then he
would finish off with a ‘wow’ and click his fingers. He asked me what I thought
and I just said, ‘yeh’ back to him but I
had no idea what my pal was talkin’ about – not that there was anythin’ strange
about that.
When we entered Titanic’s class, Buzz just winked at her,
and pointed to his face (just in case you don’t know, we called her Titanic ‘cause
we reckoned she was the iceberg that sunk that ship).
You should have seen the look on Titanic’s face, I mean you
would have thought Buzz had just hit her. No one and I mean no one, winked at
that teacher. Still, the newly bearded Buzz probably thought that he was a gift
to the ladies.
I tried to get a real close look at Buzz’s face when we were
supposed to be writing something about what we’d done at the weekend. But I
couldn’t understand what particular growth he was talkin’ about.
“My beard,” said Buzz.
“Your what?”
“Looky here,” and Buzz pointed to a small hair under his nose
(it may have even been growing out of his nose) and another single lonely hair
under his lip. I have to tell you here and now (although I’d never tell Buzz)
that my Grandma had more hair on her face than he did.
After school, we wandered down to the ice cream parlour and
everyone we passed would get a ‘howdee’ from Buzz in a real low manly voice,
and then he’d kinda point at his face. Most folks in town already thought Buzz
was nuttier than a squirrel’s you know what.
At the parlour, Buzz pushed the door open the way his daddy
would have done (that is if his daddy hadn’t disappeared all those years
ago).
“Well, whatcha know? Buzz has got a beard.” I ain’t sure how
Mister Trueman knew an’ all, but he seemed mighty impressed with Buzz’s facial
stuff.
Buzz musta floated 10 feet up in the air when Mister Trueman
said that and when he placed the ice
cream in front of us, he said, “That’ll be three bits.”
“Ain’t it usually two bits,” I asked.
“Sure,” said Mister Trueman , “usually that’s the price -
but now that Buzz is a man, that’s double for him.” Then he winked at me and I
could see he thought the same about Buzz’s beard as I did. Buzz just said “Pay
the man,” in a real deep voice like it was natural to be charged as an adult. I just gave Mister T, two bits like I usually
did and he didn’t say nuthin’.
On the way home, Buzz stuck his chin in the Pastor’s face,
and the Sherriff’s, and the Shelley Twins’ (who just ran off screamin’). Buzz
looked at me as if to say, if you got it, you don’t ever lose it.
At school the next day, Titanic made announcement in class
that none of her pupils were to go stickin’ their faces in any of the important
folks’ faces around town. Everyone in the class looked at Buzz but he didn’t seem
to know what the teacher meant.
After a weekend of Buzz lookin’ in every window in town and
checkin’ himself out, Buzz turned up at school with a real dark growth under
his nose. He looked like one of those bad guys in the movie who tie ladies to
the rail tracks. When I got up close I could see he’d just painted it on his
face and I had to laugh so hard, that I couldn’t stop. The tears were runnin’
down my face and as usual I thought I might wet my pants.
Buzz just winked at me, as ‘though nuthin’ was wrong.
Titanic looked at Buzz and shook her head, I guess she had more important
problems to deal with. I gotta say ‘though, it was a real hot that day and it
weren’t long before Buzz beard started headin’ south. The next time I looked at him, I’m sure I did
pee myself that time. His beard was
kinda escapin’ from his face.
That night I took one of my paw’s old shavin’ razors and
wrapped it up like it was new. The next day, I told Buzz that my paw had wanted
him to have it, on account of him being a man and all.
So Buzz started shaving and we all got some peace.
bobby stevenson 2014
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