Wednesday, 18 December 2013


Maybe the only person that was ever meant to be Santa, was Santa. That’s the way I’m thinking, lookin’ back over all those years. It certainly wasn’t Buzz, and that’s a fact. 

He might be stupid, but he had a big heart and all he wanted to do was the best for folks. Okay maybe, I’m exageratin’ and all, but you get my drift.

“I know, I’m too good lookin’ to be Santa,” He said without a hint of anythin’. “I’m thinkin’ that with the beard on an’ all, they wont know it’s me.”

I asked him who they were and he said ‘why the good folks of this town’.

Now here’s the killer and I don’t want you goin’ all gooey-eyed or nuthin’ when I tell you what I’m about to tell you; okay? I mean it. These stories are meant to bring somethin’ but especially not tears. Anyhoo, I’ve just got lost in the Mississippi with all thisin’ and thatin’ that I’m doing. Where was I? Oh yeh - so anyway, I ask Buzz why he wants to be Santa and he says that sometimes Santa misses out our town.

“What you sayin’ Buzz?”

“I’m just sayin’ that sometimes, probably not his fault, he kinda misses the kids of our town out.”

“No he don’t.”

Least ways I don’t remember a Christmas when Santa didn’t come to ma house with presents an’ all.

So Buzz tells me, that when he was five years of age (around about the time of Buzz’s daddy troubles) Santa missed the whole town out.

“I got nuthin’ that Christmas and I’d asked him for a dog an’ all. My maw told me it was ‘cause Santa had tied one on with his helpers and had such a bad head, he had to skip our town.”

I’m guess that Buzz’s paw had left with only a few pennies to buy some food and maybe his maw was just protectin’ him an’ all.

“Oh yeh,” I tell him, not wantin’ to hurt my bestest pal in the world. “I remember that year, I had asked him for a bicycle and I got nothin’. Nada.”

So I ask him how he knows that Santa ain’t comin’ this year and he says that his maw has got her sad face on. And when she’s got a sad face and there ain’t nothin’ to eat, it usually means that Santa ain’t comin’.

So I kinda look away from my friend, cause I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. So I just laugh. I know it ain’t the right thing to do, but you know how it is? You can’t  just cry in front of your bestest pal in the whole wide world. Don’t you reading this, argue with me now – I mean it, it ain’t done in these parts.
I was wonderin’ that if the real Santa did show up, what would he say to Buzz?

Anyhoo, that didn’t happen ‘cause Buzz got stuck at the very first house, in the very first chimney that he tried to climb down.

“Are you sure, you should be doin’ this?” I kinda whispered to him just before he fell down the chimney and got stuck at the bit where the chimney takes a turn for the worse.

The real horrible bit was when I had to go to the good people’s door and tell them that Santa was stuck up their chimney and it would sure help if they could throw water on the fire as Santa had a habit of screamin’ and all.

Well the boys from the fire station tried to pull him up and the cops tried to pull him down and no one was going anywhere fast. I think that if Santa was flyin’ over, he would have just kept on goin’, I surely do.

The worst bit was when they decided that the only thing to do was to knock away a bit of their chimney. The family had a young boy and an even younger small girl and what they made of it, ain’t anyone’s business. Except to say that the boy got arrested a few years later for breakin’ into good folks houses and tellin’ the cops he was Santa. And the girl - well she became a Nun. 

Everyone in town - and I mean everyone - came to stare at the hole in the good people’s wall, cause you could see right through into their home an’ all. And those poor folks were just tryin’ to get on with Christmas and ignore the faces starin’ through the hole.

I meant to tell ya, Santa visited everyone’s home that year and he left a few presents at our place for Buzz and his maw.

bobby stevenson 2013

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